If We Hold On Together

by Miroslav Dmitriev

Sitting in an alley behind his house, Miroslav sat with an un-smoked cigarette resting between his first two fingers. He made no move to bring it up to his lips, he just sat staring at the wall opposite him. What a brilliant way to start off the day – an argument with Natalia that sent her storming out of the house in tears. He remembered the days when they had gotten along; those days were long gone now.

"What happened to us, Nat?" he quietly questioned, not expecting an answer from the bleak, brick wall. He flicked his cigarette to the ground as it started to burn his fingers. With a sigh, he stood and scuffed it out with the toe of his shoe. "It all changed when we got here."

*****

As a family, they stepped out of the immigration center, half clinging to each other. Natalia was tightly clinging to her brother’s arm, not wanting to be lost in the sea of people as their parents led them down the street. Feelings of trust and love were there between the twins, they never got angry with each other or quarreled in that time.

*****

It had all fallen apart one day, and he wasn’t sure why. One day; that was all it had taken for a sudden hatred to take over the trust and love that had been there. The reason was unknown, to him at least, and he was somewhat glad he didn’t know. Not knowing what the problem was gave him any rights at all to get mad because she most likely know what had started it and that made it her fault, in his mind.

Miroslav shook his head with a sigh, kicking the wall a little. "Lyoubodeyka," he muttered, kicking the wall hard before walking out of the alley. He pulled his jacket a little tighter around himself as he walked to the park, eager to read his worries away in a peaceful environment.

Although he was searching for a peaceful environment in the park, he couldn’t find it. As he sat under a tree in the middle of the park, several leaves scattered out the ground, his attention was distracted by his sister’s voice. It would only make sense that she would run to Brian Grygo, her boyfriend, when she was upset. Unfortunately, they had decided to come to the park and disturb his peace.

Amazingly enough, they didn’t seem to notice him at all in the time they were there. He glanced up in time to watch Natalia walk down the path away from them. His eyes followed her as she walked out of the park. With a small sigh of relief, he turned back to the way he was sitting before. As soon as he turned, he saw Brian standing in front of him.

"What’d you do to her?" Brian asked calmly, sitting beside him. "She was practically in hysterics when she got to my house, and..."

"Did it ever occur to you that not everything is my fault all the time?" Miroslav asked warily, interrupting him as he glanced over at him. "Nat’s no angel, she causes things too."

"I never said she was an angel," Brian countered, his calm demeanor staying intact. "I just want to know what happened, Miro."

"I don’t even remember anymore," Miroslav said with a frustrated sigh, shaking his head. That was how it was with most of his disagreements with his sister – forgettable once they were over. There had been so many that they all just molded together into one big argument that just kept growing. "I honestly don’t remember."

"Just...try and stay out of her way for a while," Brian advised, standing up and brushing some dirt off his trousers. "She’s enraged at you."

"What else is new?" he muttered as Brian walked away. He leaned back against the tree and closed his eyes, trying to block out everything that was happening around him. Despite his efforts, he could hear children running around the park, racing and playing. He could remember back to a moment similar to the events going around him, which was probably why he had not been able to block them out.

*****

"Come on, Nat, run with me," a seven-year-old Miroslav taunted his sister. "Are you afraid you will lose?"

"I am not!" Natalia said firmly, standing up. Without warning she started running down the path, Miroslav on her heels once he realized what had happened. At the end of the path he arrived before her, which made her a bit angry.

"I beat you even though you cheated!" he proclaimed triumphantly.

"Shut up, Miro," she said with a frown, crossing her arms. Jokingly, he continued gloating; it was obvious he was joking to everyone but her.

"Leave me alone, I hate you!" she yelled before taking off down the path in the direction of their house.

*****

Those had been the words he heard all too often from his sister. Every time they stung more and more. It had gotten to the point where he just snapped back at her when she did something to upset him. He didn’t think, he just lashed out.

As he stood up, he sighed. He knew that even as much as they didn’t get along, he would always be there for her if and when she needed him. He lit up a cigarette as he walked down the part to their house. How was he to know that day would soon come?

*****

Bidding farewell to Father Samuel Huffman, Miroslav walked out of St. Martin’s Church and started down the street. A few blocks away from his house he could hear yelling and smell smoke. He stopped and looked up in the sky and saw a large cloud of smoke dissipating into the sky. "That can’t be..." he trailed off, pausing before breaking into a run.

His worst thought became his reality as he turned the corner, his pace slowing to a stop as his gaze fell to the smoldering rubble that was once the place where he lived. "No..." he whispered, tears starting to slip from his eyes. Who all had been in the house? His parents? Natalia? His two-week-old sister, Verochka? Was he left alone?

"Miro!" he heard someone scream from behind him, and he turned just in time to catch Natalia in his arms. He held her gently once he saw that she had Verochka cradled in her arms. She clung to him, sobbing into his shoulder as he gently eased her to the ground. "Mother and Father–" she choked out, looking up at him as he knelt beside her.

"Sh..." he said softly, fighting back tears. One of them had to be the strong one and it seemed as though it was to be him. "Bt tsokoy," he murmured, trying to calm her down as she latched to him, crying.

"Where will we go? What will we do?" she asked through her tears, practically hysterical as she rocked Verochka who was crying as well. "Why did this happen?"

"I don’t know," Miroslav quietly admitted. "We have to go somewhere, though." He couldn’t stand to be there much longer; just the thought of his parents being in that heap of smoking rubble, no longer full of life, made him ill. "Maybe Father Samuel can help us."

That was the only solution he could think of. After all, he had just been there to talk with him and he had said that if they ever needed anything, he would help to the best of his ability. He gently lifted his sisters, both of whom were still crying, into his arms and started to the church, unable to look back at the destruction behind him.

By the time they got to the church, Natalia had calmed down enough that he set her back on her feet. They walked into the church and Miroslav took Verochka from her to try his luck at calming his younger sister.

"Can I help you, children?" a soft voice called from behind them. They turned to see Sister Hannah approaching them. "You seem troubled." As Miroslav opened his mouth to answer, the front door opened and Brother Steven entered, looking somewhat flustered.

"Oh, praise the Lord!" he exclaimed as his eyes fell on the siblings. Obviously, news of the fire had spread quickly and he had gone to investigate. "No one was there. I thought – "

"Where are your parents?" Sister Hannah asked gently, lightly touching Natalia’s arm to catch her attention. Natalia turned to face her, tears still streaming down her face.

"They’re gone," Miroslav said flatly, knowing his sister wouldn’t be able to say it. Sister Hannah’s gaze fell on him with sympathetic eyes.

"Brother Steven, please stay with them," she softly requested, turning away from them. "I must speak with Father Samuel for a moment." She went down the hall, disappearing into Father Samuel’s office.

In the foyer of the church, all was silent as Natalia quietly cried, Miroslav rocked Verochka, and Verochka slept. Brother Steven stood watching them, a solemn _expression on his face. Within a couple minutes Sister Hannah came back out, accompanied by Father Samuel.

"Sister Hannah has informed me of the tragic events of this evening," he said smoothly, his voice a kind, warm tone. "If my assumption is correct, you are here because you need a place to stay. I believe I have a solution, of you are willing." He paused, examining them. "However, I believe we shall wait until tomorrow to talk of it. Brother Steven and Sister Hannah will take you both to sleeping quarters for the night. Verochka would be better off staying at the orphanage than here, for the time being."

"Thank you, Father Samuel," Miroslav said quietly. Father Samuel just nodded, taking Verochka from him.

"I shall take her to St. Cecilia’s whilst you two get settled in," he said, looking to Brother Steven and Sister Hannah.

"This way, children," Sister Hannah gently commanded, walking with Brotehr Steven ahead of them through the church, leaning them out the back door. "Natalia, come with me. Miroslav, Brother Steven will take care of you."

Miroslav watched as Sister Hannah led his sister into a run-down house. After they disappeared inside he was taken into the house next door.

"There are beds upstairs," Brother Steven said as they stood in the entryway. "You may go upstairs, and I will bring blankets and things up to you."

"Thank you," Miroslav said, ascending the main staircase. He let the door to the room Brother Steven had indicated swing open and he walked inside, sitting on the nearest bed. Within minutes, Brother Steven brought him a pillow and some blankets.

"Rest well," Brother Steven said quietly before leaving the room, closing the door behind him. Miroslav silently made his bed, trying not to focus too much on the events of the day. He laid down on top of the covers and stared at the ceiling, knowing he wouldn’t be able to sleep. His thoughts were focused on one thing only; if he had been home his parents might not have died.

If he had been there he would have been able to help them. He couldn’t blame Natalia for not being able to save them – he just couldn’t blame her. As much as he wanted to be able to, it wasn’t his nature to do so. Plus, it was entirely his fault. He was the one to blame.

*****

"Miroslav, would you like some breakfast?" a voice asked, accompanied by a knock on the door. It was Brother Steven, but Miroslav didn’t think he was the one that had prepared breakfast.

"I’m not that hungry," he replied, getting up and opening the door. Brother Steven looked worried, so he reconsidered his response. "I guess I’ll eat something, though." They went down to the kitchen and ate in silence.

"If I may, could I talk to you for a few minutes, Miroslav?" Father Samuel asked from the doorway, having come in whilst they were eating. With a nod, Miroslav rose and followed him into the front room. "I have a proposition for you, but if you need a while to think about it, that’s fine."

"What is it?"

"This house and the house next door need fixed up a bit," Father Samuel started, looking around the room a little. "The church wants to open them as lodging houses for those who need a place to stay who are too old for the orphanage. If you would be willing, we would appreciate if you would help fix things around here and stay as a leader."

"Really?" Miroslav asked, astonished, looking at him.

"Yes, quite so," Father Samuel said with a nod. "It would give you and Natalia a place to stay, and it would be much appreciated."

"That would be wonderful," he said after a moment, not even taking that long to think about the decision. Not only were they to have a place to stay, the would also be helping the church.

"Most excellent," Father Samuel said with a smile. "If you will excuse me, I must go speak with Natalia to hear her views on this proposition." Miroslav nodded and watched as the man who had just made parts of his life come together left the room.

"Did you accept?" Brother Steven asked, walking into the front room. At Miroslav’s nod, he beamed. "Good! How about I give you a tour of the house, then, eh?" Once again, a nod satisfied his question and he led Miroslav out to the stairs again. Just that one moment in his life seemed to make the broken pieces of his life start to pull together again and it was a good feeling, despite the sadness that was still in his heart.